Mickey's Ferris Wheel

We went to Disneyland this year with Kyle's family.  In California Adventure, there is a Ferris wheel.  They call it Mickey's Fun Wheel.

When normal people see it, this is what they see.

This is what I see.

I've never been fond of heights.  Whenever faced with Ferris wheels or the Skylifts, I usually opt to stay on the ground. I stay away from windows in tall buildings and if a glass elevator goes more than two stories, I stay right up by the elevator door.  But this was Disney: fun and games, the happiest place on earth!  Logically, I know the ride is safe and many people enjoy it.  Compared with the Boardwalk Ferris wheel, it even looks more appealing because the gondolas are completely closed up with a door and everything.  So I allowed myself to be convinced to give it a try.

I board one of the gondolas with Kyle, his dad, his sister and Vivian.  There are two benches facing each other.  Kyle sits across from me.  Ha ha, isn't this fun?  Gondola moves.  Butterflies, they're manageable but oooh we're getting higher.  This may have been a bad idea.  Then, the gondola slides on it's track.

I'm going to die.

The most massive panic attack I've ever had in my life hits me. I'm crying, screaming, walking the line between swearing and praying.  I want to curl up on the floor in the fetal position but my fear of disobeying the rules wins out and I stay glued to my seat.  Hyperventilating.  Telling Kyle I hate him for convincing me to ride.  I'm horrified and mortified but I can't help myself.  My reaction is visceral - I've never felt fear so strong before.  All the while my mother instinct is screaming: protect the baby! protect the baby!  My body tells me I'm going to die, and I just pray that it's over quickly.

For a moment, the gondola stops.  I manage to hand the baby to the person next to me, insisting that they don't let her see me.  I don't want to freak out the baby.  Everyone can barely look at me anyways, their faces that uncomfortable expression people get when they're not sure where to look.  Heaven knows, they don't want to look at the blubbering mess that is me.  And I feel bad for ruining their fun and looking so horrifying, but when the Ferris wheel is going to kill you, you can't care about appearances anymore.  I brace myself against the other bench, anything to feel safe.  The ride starts again and the panic returns.  But this time I can close my eyes because by handing off the baby I no longer had to protect her.  In between hyperventilating, crying and begging, I coo to Vivian in false, hysterical reassurance "Isn't this fun?!"  I hate myself for lying, but it's for her own good.

Eventually we make it to the bottom.  I'm braced against everything I can, eyes closed.  At least I'm no longer screaming.  The ride operators see my face and ask if everything is all right.  Everyone in the gondola begs them to stop the ride.  Half a minute later, I'm staggering out.  My fellow gondola riders ask if I want them to keep the baby while they go back around.  Mom instincts kick in.  Heck no, I'm taking that baby with me.  I won't let the Ferris wheel get her.

After escaping, it takes me a long time to recover.  Sitting on the bench, I'd remember and start crying and hyperventilating into my backpack. For several hours later, I can't look at the Ferris wheel without a shudder of apprehension.  Eventually, the fear wears off and I can start cracking jokes again. But inside I know the Ferris wheel has beaten me.

We rename it "Mickey's Wheel of Terror."  Because Mickey hates me and wants me to die.

For a few days after, I keep wanting to talk and analyze it.  I'm fascinated by that visceral reaction.  I don't often feel emotions that strong.  Sometimes in normal life, I wonder about myself and think "Is this really me or is this me pretending to be a certain way?"  I hope I'm a certain person, though deep down I worry that I'm just faking it.  But on that Ferris wheel all pretension was stripped away and those feelings, those emotions, those reactions were 100% me.  They weren't pretty, but they were real.

Why was it so bad? I know I'm afraid of heights, but height isn't the only factor because I enjoy roller-coasters.  So what is the difference between a Ferris wheel and a roller-coaster?  One, Ferris wheels are slow moving.  Instead of the whip and thrill of a ride, you're just climbing higher and higher absorbing how high you really are.  Two, Ferris wheels aren't secured.  In a roller-coaster, you're strapped down. Even though I know I'm not going to fall out of the Ferris wheel mentally, I don't have the physical reassurance of being restrained.  And Three, this particular roller-coaster has a sliding track for the gondolas. If it didn't move, I'd probably be miserable and maybe even crying, but I might not have had a full blown panic attack.  Of course, that part is speculation, but it sounds reasonable to me.

The funny thing is, I look back on the experience with affection.  Yes, it was miserable, but it was a powerful emotion I might never have felt otherwise.  And a part of me feels a little proud: hey, you really are crazy!  Isn't it nice to have it spelled out?

Sensitive Ears

My whole life I've had a love-hate relationship with earrings.  I love the way they look, especially dangling ones. But I could never wear them very long because they made my ears hurt. I guess I have some kind of metal allergy. Looking for earrings that might work are an even worse pain than actually wearing them. Even when they're advertised as "nickel-free" or "for sensitive ears," they still never worked. Then I stumbled on a solution. Plastic earring hooks.

I just removed the old hook and replaced them with these. Also, clean with Neosporin (kill the all the bugs!). Admittedly, they're not as stylish as metal hooks and they are a little more snug on my ear lobe, but I wore a trial pair this evening and after several hours I haven't had to take them out yet! I'm so excited! Jewelry making hobby, here I come!

For those of you with sensitive ears, here is the site I found the earring hooks at: http://hypoallergenicfindings.com/newplastic.html

Black Tie Mousse Cake

I finally did it: I got my Olive Garden black tie mousse cake imitation recipe "perfect." Perfect being defined as How I want it. Cake-y brownie, cream cheese mousse, custard, dark chocolate ganache, chocolate whipped cream and mini chocolate chips. It takes an afternoon to make, so its a bit of an investment of time.

Olive Garden Black Tie Mousse Cake

Servings: 16

approx 608 calories/443 fat calories/49 grams of fat

---Bottom Layer---

1 box Chocolate brownie mix

---Second Layer---

1 teaspoon Unflavored gelatin

1 tablespoon cold water

2 tablespoons boiling water

4 ounces chocolate chips (2/3 cup)

6 ounces cream cheese, cubed

3/4 cup heavy cream

1/2 teaspoon granulated sugar

---Third Layer--- (I doubled this layer from the original, Kyle thinks its too much but I like it. Plus I couldn't figure how to do 1.5 times 3 egg yolks)

6 egg yolks

1/2 cup sugar

6 tablespoons flour, sifted

2 teaspoons Unflavored gelatin

3 – 3 1/2 cups heavy cream

2 teaspoon vanilla extract

---Fourth Layer---

1 cup heavy cream

1 1/2 tablespoons butter

12 ounces chocolate chips (2 cups)

---Fifth Layer---

1/2 cup heavy cream

1 tablespoons sugar

1/4 teaspoon vanilla

1/4 cup Mini chocolate chips

Directions:

1. Bottom Layer: Prepare brownies according to the box, making them more cakey by doubling the water. Bake about 1/2 of the batter in a springform cheesecake pan (for the cake) and the rest in an 8x8 for approximately 20-25 minutes. Since you're splitting the recipe you will have to check it frequently near the end to make sure it is done (knife in the middle comes out almost clean). You won't be using the 8x8 brownies so go ahead and enjoy them. Don't remove the springform collar because it will shape the rest of the layers.

2. Second Layer: Melt cream cheese in a double boiler. While its melting, melt chocolate chips in a microwave safe bowl (approx 2 minutes on high). Stir chocolate chips until smooth, add into melted cream cheese. Let cool. Soften gelatin with cold water for 1 minute, then add boiling water, stir until dissolved and clear. Let this cool while you start whipping the heavy cream and sugar. As cream starts to thicken, add gelatin. Continue to whip until stiff peaks form. Add 1/4 of the cream to the chocolate mixture and mix thoroughly. Then fold this into the remaining cream. Once you have completed spread onto cake and refrigerate.

3. Third Layer: Beat egg yolks until pale. Add sugar, flour and gelatin, then beat until mixed. Bring cream and vanilla extract to a boil. Add a small amount of cream to egg mixture while stirring. Gradually add until all of the cream has been added and then pour entire mixture back into the pan. Continue to cook until custard begins to thicken. Not too thick or it might go grainy. Cool slightly pour on top of chocolate mousse and freeze while getting the icing ready.

4. Fourth Layer: Bring butter and cream to a boil, pour over chocolate and let sit for 5 minutes. Stir until smooth. Let cool (slightly warmer than room temp) until it starts to thicken. Remove cake from freezer and remove the collar. Pour some of the ganache (about 1/2) and using a spatula spread it evenly across the top and sides of cake. Freeze while finishing last layer.

5. Fifth Layer: Whip heavy cream, sugar, and vanilla until stiff peaks. Fold in remaining ganache. Pipe onto top of cake in decorative border. Sprinkle on mini chocolate chips. Freeze or refrigerate. If left in the freezer all night it becomes solid as a rock so you might need to defrost it in the fridge before you can eat it.

Because Some of You Have Forgotten What I Look Like

Sculpey Dragon

So I decided that I would try out polymer clay as a new hobby. I've wanted to for a long time and then Michael's had a big sale Feb 15. So here is my first sculpture.


Back View

Pre-Bake-Just-In-Case-I-Burn-It-And-Release-Toxic-Fumes-Pictures

A Chair Full of Crazies

Here I am with all of Grandma's puppies in my lap. The two on the right are the official "crazies" Kimi and Suki. On the left is fat Einstein Pug and Lily Chihuahua. In the middle is my crazy, Adelaide. Plus Meghan peeking out from behind. We are all watching Grandma vacuum. I guess the puppies like to be safe so they don't get sucked up.

Horse Pillow

So I made this horse cross stitch for Meghan, but I didn't want to hang it on the wall. I wanted her to be able to play with it. So I made it into a pillow with a lot of help from my mother. It was a lot of fun and I could see myself doing this again with other small projects.

Thoughts on Hair

So, I've had short hair for awhile and I thought I'd share a few thoughts.

Styling: Fairly easy. But I have to do it every day or risk looking like a puffy yellow dandelion.
Appearance: I must say, I'm not all that keen on short hair for myself. Of all the styles I tried, the one on the top is my favorite - gelled down. Kyle, of course, favors the one below. He likes the duck tail at the back. I do feel like I get a decent variety of styles out of it because I HAVE to style it. With long hair, its usually the same every single day.
Utility: The purpose of cutting my hair short was to keep Meghan from rubbing it. It worked for all of maybe three weeks. Now, she is back to her old tricks. Oh well. On the other hand, it is nice that my hair is ALWAYS out of my face. That is perhaps one of the biggest pluses. I feel like overall, I am managing my hair less because I only do it once in the morning and don't have to worry about pulling it back, taming wispies or brushing it out of my face.
Other: I will admit that it is fun to be able to run my fingers through my own hair. Unfortunately, when it's gelled, I can't really do that. So, I have to either sacrifice texture or appearance.
Final Verdict: I actually feel rather ambiguous about it. I do have fun styling it. But I don't feel as pretty as I did with longer hair. On a further note, it costs money every month to keep it short. So in the long run, I think I'll be growing it back out. Maybe in the future I will try it short again. I am prone to hair cutting whims.

Tanya's Pixie Cut

Tanya Got a SexyPixie Cut Today. She got enough courage to do it because Meghan had been attacking her hair. After she got it, she was a little skeptical, but we picked up some gel at the store, and now it looks great.

Meghan kept saying "Mom's getting a pixie cut!". She was excited about it too. We wandered around Publix and ate the free snacks until Tanya was almost done, then we came back to see the change. You can see it here, in 360-Vision:

Full Recovery

For those of you who were wondering, my face has made a full recovery. I no longer suffer from Bell's Palsy. I mostly recovered before Adelaide was born (except for a little weakness in my smile and eyebrow) but have just been too busy to make a note of it here. I'm truly blessed not to have it last longer than it did.

Popeye Diagnosis

I've finally found out what afflicts Popeye. It's called Bell's Palsy. Its a sudden onset paralysis of one side of the face, very often with no known cause. It usually goes away after a short time on its own, but Popeye obviously has a permanent case. Interesting enough, it tends to afflict pregnant women at a higher rate then normal.

I yam what I yam!
That's the diagnosis I was given as well.
Yesterday I woke up with a fat lip and put it down as a reaction to a plant I was trimming. It couldn't be the mango, I insisted although mom was doubtful. Then this morning, my right eye had trouble watering (and apparently blinking) and I had trouble chewing because my jaw felt tight. A little nervous, I called my doctor and they advised going to the emergency room. That was really upsetting. So mom came and watched Meghan while Kyle took me. Luckily it seems to only be Bell's Palsy and should go away on its own. They did give me some drugs to take although I wonder if it is really necessary.

Here is mom telling me to smile. My reaction: "I am smiling!"

But that made me laugh.

And here I am trying to close my right eye. It won't close on its own.
So have fun laughing at the diseased pregnant lady, you mean person you.

More Cross-stitching

Here is my most recent work. This was given as a Christmas gift to Kyle's mother.

My Cross Stitches

I needed to upload these somewhere so I put them here.

Untitled #1

Here is my finished cross stitch project. I haven't decided what to call it yet. I started it in September and just finished it today. Oops. I forgot to sign it.... Oh well. Anyways, this is my first finished original piece. As in, I designed the cross stitch. Admittedly, some software on the internet transformed the picture into cross stitch symbols and threads but I had to crop the picture and adjust the colors AND I did reselect the thread colors because the computer was too stupid to do a better black and white scale. And this is where I'm thinking of putting it (so you can get a sense of the size of it). Although, I still need to frame it.

*Update: Corinna has named my project for me. I shall call it "The Beginning of Forever." Maybe I'll get a little golden plaque for the frame or something.